[8/8] Part of a larger story that starts here.
It is my hope that in telling my story I may shed some light on the multiple levels of abuse and harassment that occur in the Hacker / InfoSec community. While we as a community have a tendency to only pay attention when women come out about a serious case of sexual assault, we tend to ignore the multitude of sexual harassment, emotional exploitation, and microaggressions as they occur. In fact, tech seems to be a scene where it doesn’t matter how much harm you cause to others as long as you can “code good” or are “fun to drink with”, where victim blaming is rampant, or we simply turn the other way and think that since the abuser doesn’t act in an abusive way with everyone, then he or she is in fact not an abuser. The truth of the matter is, abusers seldom act that way with everyone. That is how they are able to get away with their abuse, especially for so long, and often pin the blame on their victims. They are usually astounding at playing the “please pity me, I am the real victim” card, complete with crocodile tears from their own self-pity after being caught and exposed. I also hope that other young women who are thinking about joining the hacker scene will read my story and be on guard. I hope to prevent Adam, and similar abusers, from victimizing any other young woman, as he appears to currently have access to any college student that joins either DC217 or CU2600. As I am aware, the police hardly ever take action for complaints of this nature. This is my way of taking the matter into my own hands and trying to protect others. Writing about this has also been a way for me to start to heal.
Initially, the founder of DC217 seemed eager to provide a safe space, and that was a good thing. Having been through my fair share of hardships, I had never been a proponent of “safe spaces” I felt that safe spaces take away from personal growth and building grit, in light of what occurred, I now see that they are very much needed, especially for those who have had harsh lives. To provide breathing room for victims, and a safe environment for all. I feel it is important that individuals are able to attend a space that is inclusive and protected from abusers. If a victim comes out against an abuser and can provide at least some form of proof that the event did in fact occur, I feel that it is the responsibility of such a group to disallow these predators from attending. Not just for the sake of that one victim alone, but to prevent said predator from being able to cause any more harm to our community. And I mean all victims, not just female victims. I mean against all abusers, not just the male ones.
As for what should be done, I feel that individuals that victimize others should be made known to the community. With the number of women in the InfoSec/Hacker community coming out against this sort of predatory behavior, it is high time that we start to listen to them. Hackers already hold an unsavory reputation in the eyes of the public, must we add to their belief that we are all corrupt? We should set an example for other STEM communities by squelching predatory behavior and not giving kudos or continued support to predators in our community. I hope to see our community grow to be a place where everyone can contribute something meaningful, and to not feel the fear instilled by predators being allowed to get away with whatever they wish. Must every case of sexual harassment and abuse be on the level of Harvey Weinstein before we start to take notice? And by that time, how many others will this individual have victimized; is one victim not enough? Rather than asking why they didn’t report, consider my story as yet another victim reporting, and I hope that you ask what you can do to put an end to this.
To others in my situation, both women and men, I offer you this advice:
Never back down, never stay quiet. Even if it costs you what you think is necessary to survive. You may lose a space to belong, you may lose close to all of your friends and your support, you may feel ridiculed and ignored, but it is better to be on the right side of history and it is better to stand up for yourself. I feel that we have a duty to protect the future “me”s and the future “you”s from those that cause harm to others. To make our community a better place, it must start with you and I. If we stay silent, things will never change. Don’t wait for others, be the change you want to see in the world. When they tell you “don’t poke the bear”? I want you to remember:
You are the bear.
I was told to stay away from Adam, to not contact him, to stay quiet, to not seek justice, that he works for GRIMM.
I was actually told that I could be killed for speaking out against him and that he runs with a dangerous crowd.
“But there’s power in facing down the same demon that tried to kill you, throttling it as it tries to take someone else down. Confirmation of personal healing and taking steps to help others find the same.”
I will do my best to make this community a safer place for everyone. I may be deemed mentally unfit, or dramatic, and I will almost certainly face retribution and targeting. This is a risk that I am willing to take to protect others (including you). This abusive behavior must be called out in order for it to cease. Allowing people like this to continue what they’re doing is not a benefit to anyone; as it will just cause more problems down the line when they repeat this behavior as is so often the case.
Thank you for your time in reading this.
-Squiddy, 23
EDIT: I wish this had been the end of the harassment I would face from this group, but it wasn't. Members of this group continued to harass, stalk, and act as an obstacle in my safety and growth as a young queer person of color in InfoSec and local spaces for the next five years. Stay tuned for the next piece of this story.